Confusicious say!!

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok..
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Stand on toilet, get high on pot.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door..
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Without vision, we are blind to opportunity.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Silence is one of the most effective forms of communication.
You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Patience will come to those who wait for it.
Caution, Blind Man Driving.
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.